Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
