Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
