I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
