It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
