you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
did i just pee glitter
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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