you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
