i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
