Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
