and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
