I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize