I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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