That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
