So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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