i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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