Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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