I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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