i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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