Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
