somebody snuck up and got me drunk
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
