we have officially lost it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
