On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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