can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
