Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
