so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
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So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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