i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Randomize
