u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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