Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
porn star boner night. come get it.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
