whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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