stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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