Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
