I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
