You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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