My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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