Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
