You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
