I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Randomize
