dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
