we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
