I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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