i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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