my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
