Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
