Your face is a jimmy john
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
