Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
