Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
