i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
