HIV tests are more positive than that guy
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
