nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
