dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
