is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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