its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
