just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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