wrigley field is MILF paradise
I skipped work to stalk him.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
