Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
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He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.