I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.