He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.