Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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