DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.