she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?