He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.