From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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