She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
