I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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