he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I could make wine with my vomit
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
