paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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