Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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