this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
